Sunday 29 April 2012

IAS- INDIAN ASSHOLES-ON-STRIKE SERVICE

IAS is most notoriously known as the Indian Administrative Service. Notorious because this is the cadre of public servants that has inherited the mantle of the erstwhile Indian Civil Service and like someone famously said there is nothing civil or service about them. Of course, these days we have more damning survey reports that not only prove this point but go further.

The report of a survey of 12 Asian economies done by the Political and Economic Risk Consultancy based in Hong Kong blames India’s ‘suffocating bureaucracy’ for us falling behind countries like Vietnam, Bangladesh, Bhutan and Myanmar in providing our people with minimal standards of healthcare, sanitation and education. Examine just the sad fact that 43 per cent of Indian children under the age of five are underweight compared with 20 per cent in Vietnam and 14 per cent in Bhutan and you understand what we are up against. It is not because of a shortage of funds that millions of Indians are forced to live in conditions of shameful poverty and degradation. The Government of India reporedly spent Rs 4 trillion on various poverty alleviation programmes in just one year. The report points out that if even half this money had been distributed among our estimated 60 million poor households, they would each get Rs 80 a day and so rise above the poverty line. Our own Planning Commission pointed this out more than a decade ago but because there has not been the smallest attempt to get our babu-log to work more efficiently, nothing has changed.

And writing for The Indian Express Tavleen Singh in 'India’s bureaucratic albatross'(Feb 21, 2010) has said 'Every time I deal with Indian officials I become so depressed that I almost need therapy.'

So it was natural to have puns circulating about IAS. One such pun is 'I am Always Safe'. This is because of the (manipulative) power-without-responsibility wielded by these babus. With the skills-writing a brief and answering questions in comprehension exercises- learnt in primary schools, as their only weapon, these clerks of the privileged variety, have, no doubt, wrecked havoc on the society. It has been reported that almost 80 percent of the cases pending in our courts involve the government. A layman's knowledge of how the government works would reveal that it is the omissions and commissions of these babus that have caused this huge pile of litigation.

There is an interesting anecdote on how these babus work in tandem with corrupt politicians. The file of a project needing the approval of a minister was taken to him by the concerend secretary with his notings. The minister could not make head or tail of it and the secretary just advised him to write 'Not sanctioned' with an extra space after Not. The minister did as advised. A few days later the secretary took the file back to the minister, placed a bundle of currency notes on his table and advised him 'now you may add an 'e' to the Not'. The minister wondered what was happening. The secretary smiled and left with the file with the project sanctioned by the minister as 'Note sanctioned'!

And that reminds me of another anecdote- of how the asshole established itself as the most important organ in the human body. It goes like this.

Once there was a hot argument between the various organs of the human body as to who was the most important. The heart said 'the moment I stop working life stops!'. The brain declared 'but I control all the activities, and if I let go my control even for a short while, the whole system will fail and may never recover thereafter'. So on and so forth all the organs made their claims. The asshole which was patiently listening to all these did not utter a single word. It just struck work. And soon constipation set in, the eyes started bulging out, the heart began to beat faster, the head began to swirl. It was mayhem! And then the asshole asked sternly: now tell me who amoungst us is the most important organ? All of them- the brain, heart, eyes, ears etc- cried out in one voice: we acknowledge, it is you!

Now compare the role of the IASwallahs (and wallis too!) and for one, I have realised that the better description of IAS would be Indian Assholes-on-(perpetual)strike- Service.

Interestingly, the urban dictionary defines asshole as 'anyone who doesn't do exactly what you think they ought to do, exactly when you think they ought to do it.' (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=asshole). So one can probably simplify Indian Assholes-on-strike- Service to Indian Assholes Service too!

7 comments:

  1. Needless to say, there are good members in this cadre too. They are too few and far between. Some names that stand out: Arun Bhatia, Raju Narayana Swamy, Alphons Kannanthanam, K Jayakumar (present Chief Secretary to the Govt of Kerala) and a few more.

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    Replies
    1. A coward with any virtue is useless and need not any glorification because he will succumb to the pressures and pulls and his all goodness will be rendered useless.

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  2. I agree. The IAS cadres had in the past, and still have it in their power to correct the politician / minister. Only then they are truly civil servants.

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  3. A living Example ;
    Subject : Political Encroachment to Justice manipulation in the case of Gross Conspiracy.
    The case relates 20-21 year old of CIDCO land allotment to ‘Shri Ganesh Co-Operative Housing Society’ a huge size of plot area (appx-20000 sq. meters) by its’ allotment letter No-CIDCO;MM;MKTG;/505 dated-21/12/1992 and the letter issued on 6th /February/1993 by the State Government No-1093-3112-14C to notify only five co-operative Housing Societies for APMC traders. (The information sought from Exhibited-E, page No-5, and Page No-6, submitted to Bombay HC by CIDCO against a PIL/474/1996 ) but all of these indent letters were sold out on undisclosed CASH PRIMIUMS by the Promoters to a PRIVATE BUILDER ‘but how the plot of Shri Ganesh Co-Operative Housing Society notified as APMC category at No- 6? It is only possible through CIDCO NEXUS and keeping APMC CATEGORY alive till-date. (Evidences provided in our last letter dt;08/06/2015)

    It is in making VERY GRIVIOUS battleground among the members. Since we took over possession of our residential flats in 1996 by paying full payment and then insulted / abused every day as society committee do not registered our names in ‘J’ Register and call us ‘NON MEMBERS’ twice the Joint Registrars/CBD appointed administrators in the year of 1999 and after turning down the order by then minister we filled WP-4481/2001 as a result your final order dated-25/08/2003 No- RVA 2702/CR-208/15-C, but Society MC filled 8508/2003 to acclaim STAY and then once again appointment of administrator in 2012 and again concerned minister turndown the order on the ground of APMC but how far this CIRCULATIVE justice to prevent action taking against malpractices of MC of the said Housing Society ? Endless, So our request to your urgent intervene before matter goes very serious.

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  4. Please vote worthless white elephant as to how get rid of it

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  5. Earlier ibe cannot call these guts Babus because they were bold, sincere and dedicated to the extent possible and not aligned with politics or political partiws. Years passed and ideology changed political agenda and money and muscle power over ruled everything in the name of politics. And obviously, guys were to get the title Babus since these guys started doing the job of a Babu to make more money associating with political thugs who in turn were hand in gloves with colonial thugs in special costumes. Now we live with these thugs....

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  6. Earlier ibe cannot call these guts Babus because they were bold, sincere and dedicated to the extent possible and not aligned with politics or political partiws. Years passed and ideology changed political agenda and money and muscle power over ruled everything in the name of politics. And obviously, guys were to get the title Babus since these guys started doing the job of a Babu to make more money associating with political thugs who in turn were hand in gloves with colonial thugs in special costumes. Now we live with these thugs....

    ReplyDelete